Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Shadow Girl

Shadow Girl, whats on your mind?



This [rather crude poem looking back on it] is about a girl i really liked but didnt do anything about; A sad reminder of my stupidness

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...

.....

.......



The shadow girl's my holy grail

My whims move to her slightest trail

The hazy dreams of life not pale

Floating from the moon...



Her life it simmers, like the sun

The search for someone of her kind

The corner of my eyes did run

For wanting what is in her mind.



-- But given the chance --



Panic in my heart i feel

The nightmares i could introduce

The fight my good will makes me reel

From the hurt that might produce.



-- The realisation sets in --



Its me who lives a life in fear

Denied the hope that i held dear

The shadow girl does not exist -

The shadow's me; a silent mist.



The sunlight girl's my lowly fail

My whims lost to her fading trail

Confusion made my own betrayal

A dream let go too soon...



.......

.....

...

.



To those who love not and hurt within:

Dont skip your chances, for chance come so few.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I aint no pimp!!

The songs i like playing at the moment include:
- Green Eyes by Coldplay
- Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz
- Spare Me The Details by The Offspring
- Ladies Night by Kool & The Gang
- As If by Blaque

...Ah finally i have posted up a version of JeigaNet that i can finally be satisfied with. No longer will i endlessly search for a 'better version', skrying the web for better source code that i can manipulate. It is JeigaNet version 6, a manly version of the extremely female version 5, upgrading its code. all references are posted in the links section if you want to know who inspired me to create this blog. Finally this creative bloggy bloodlust has been sated. The only thing i would want to do with the design now is optimise its code and clean it up. Nothing too important.

My sister has pointed out something that quite suprised me. From reading my blog she thinks im quite a player! which is so amazingly untrue that i had to laugh my head off. She called me saying that she was worried that we were drifting apart and that i wasnt telling her the important stages in my life anymore. She thought this because she read my blog entry detailing my association with my friend Connie, and thought i had a mystery girlfriend and was totally in love with her and it was a major staging point in my life. Wow, a womans overdramatisation skill is outstanding.

For the record, Connie is a friend that i met over msn messenger. Meeting her in any other form is unfortunately virtually impossible, as she really does live in canada. We are both too finacially troubled for one of us to make the trip and see eachother personally. If that were possible, wow who knows, i might of had an extremely sensual affair by now, and had a fight with her 'gangsta' boyfriend. When the flirty stuff started happening, that long time ago, we had a realistic chat about what could be possible. Nothing but a bond of friendship was formed, and thats pretty much how it will stay forever more. She is unique in that she is the only person i know soley by interaction through the internet. For all i know she could be a horrendous and horny man, but i guess i'll take that risk and be her friend anyway.

K is also just a friend. We met in my first semester of uni and i guess a spark flew... i couldnt help it; she was a babe! though that only lasted roughly a day, until i turned her down for another girl. You'd think she would hate me but we've been friends ever since. We have dinners at Nando's followed by a movie. Her parents treat me like family, which is a great feeling because they too are very interesting and intellectual people. For my birthdays she gets me one book from the 'Tomorrow When The War Began' series, of which i have two now. This wont stop till i have all seven of them, so this ensues that we will be best friends for at least 7 years. I have yet to figure out a cunning plan to pay her back for all her kindness. She's just come back from a trip to thailand and she says she's brought me stuff. I really hope its not something too grand, that girl really is to nice sometimes.

Karen, just like the other two, is JUST A FRIEND. yes, when i first became her friend, when i first saw her miniskirts, when i first heard her accent, when i first smelled her perfume, i admit i was attracted. I mean, the girl is DAMN FYNE. she's had a baby and that usually changes what a girl looks like, but she's still DAMN FYNE. Miraculously though, my feelings have somehow just naturally changed. I've somehow just naturally accepted her new boyfriend into her life; i feel no threat or desire for competition... i am just happy being her friend. I can tell her to her face that she's sexy, though when i say it it feels as though im telling her as a gay man. And yo, i aint gay nigga wot. I love women. Women are pure mmmmm. Aaanyways, like K, i also feel Karen is a best friend. I recently became her 'hero' when i ordered her a pizza from the other side of auckland and got it delivered to her door. Being just a friend never felt so cool.

Although we are not actually cousins, Jodi and Vanesssa are considered FAMILY, regardless of how beautiful they are. And i can say that cos its pretty much the truth. You look at all their photo's and what do you see? two very cute asian girls. I know this, but somehow nothing in any fibre of my being acts upon this. Its just like they were born of my mothers womb and they grew up with me as my sisters. But you do tend to notice when people see us together and then afterwards give me an elbow nudge saying something like "Jei you lucky dog who are those two babes you were with?!?" - It almost makes you want to pretend, just for the macho trip you get from all your guy mates being impressed with you.But really, im not that stink.

Speaking of family, my grandma, mother and two sisters are obviously non-exixtent in the love section of my brain. They ARE family; nuff sed.

Some of the girls at my place of work are attractive, but most will always be pushed behind my force field of professionalism. I keep it real in the workplace, and love has no place in the aisles of my jobzone. I do not want girls to be freaking out and staying away from a weird flirty asian guy diggin deep for affection. So, basically its a common rule of thumb to keep the luv-luv in check within working hours. Its very rare for someone to threaten that barrier, probably the one who came closest was Karen.

Although this sounds ultimately crazy, for the last couple of months i havent seriously been checking out any girls at uni - Mad isnt it?!? i mean, uni is the years for sexually active boys to go wild! Not me i spose, i've been taking it pretty easy while i am there, though i spose there some additional external factors...

Well, i think that covers all major Feminalia in my life at the moment, or maybe at least all of whom i desire to talk about within the confines of this blog. As it shows i care about alot of women in my life, but thats only because of my deeply engrained vision of a perfect world, which i'll probably write about at a later date. The point is, that i am not a player, and all the girls i am close to are nothing much but friends.

man its late... as usual the only thing i've been able to write about is women. i swear theres something wrong with me aye...
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